10 Men Christian Women Should Never Marry

Source: http://www.charismamag.com/blogs/fire-in-my-bones/19757-10-men-christian-women-should-never-marry
By J. Lee Grady.

My wife and I raised four daughters—without shotguns in the house!—and three of them have already married. We love our sons-in-law, and it’s obvious God handpicked each of them to match our daughters’ temperaments and personality.
I have always believed God is in the matchmaking business. If He can do it for my daughters, He can do it for you.
Today I have several single female friends who would very much like to find the right guy. Some tell me the pickings are slim at their church, so they have ventured into the world of online dating. Others have thrown up their hands in despair, wondering if there are any decent Christian guys left anywhere. They’ve begun to wonder if they should lower their standards in order to find a mate.
My advice stands: Don't settle for less than God's best. Too many Christian women today have ended up with an Ishmael because impatience pushed them into an unhappy marriage. Please take my fatherly advice: You are much better off single than with the wrong guy! Speaking of “wrong guys,” here are the top 10 men you should avoid when looking for a husband:
1. The unbeliever. Please write 2 Corinthians 6:14 on a Post-it note and tack it on your computer at work. It says, “Do not be bound together with unbelievers; for what partnership have righteousness and lawlessness, or what fellowship has light with darkness?” (NASB). This is not an outdated religious rule. It is the Word of God for you today. Don’t allow a man’s charm, looks or financial success (or his willingness to go to church with you) push you to compromise what you know is right. “Missionary dating” is never a wise strategy. If the guy is not a born-again Christian, scratch him off your list. He’s not right for you. I’ve yet to meet a Christian woman who didn’t regret marrying an unbeliever.

2. The liar. If you discover that the man you are dating has lied to you about his past or that he’s always covering his tracks to hide his secrets from you, run for the nearest exit. Marriage must be built on a foundation of trust. If he can’t be truthful, break up now before he bamboozles you with an even bigger deception.

3. The playboy. I wish I could say that if you meet a nice guy at church, you can assume he’s living in sexual purity. But that’s not the case today. I’ve heard horror stories about single guys who serve on the worship team on Sunday but act like Casanovas during the week. If you marry a guy who was sleeping around before your wedding, you can be sure he will be sleeping around after your wedding.

4. The deadbeat. There are many solid Christian men who experienced marital failure years ago. Since their divorce, they have experienced the Holy Spirit’s restoration, and now they want to remarry. Second marriages can be very happy. But if you find out that the man you are dating hasn’t been caring for his children from a previous marriage, you have just exposed a fatal flaw. Any man who will not pay for his past mistakes or support children from a previous marriage is not going to treat you responsibly.

5. The addict. Churchgoing men who have addictions to alcohol or drugs have learned to hide their problems—but you don’t want to wait until your honeymoon to find out that he’s a boozer. Never marry a man who refuses to get help for his addiction. Insist that he get professional help and walk away. And don’t get into a codependent relationship in which he claims he needs you to stay sober. You can’t fix him.
6. The bum. I have a female friend who realized after she married her boyfriend that he had no plans to find steady work. He had devised a great strategy: He stayed home all day and played video games while his professional wife worked and paid all the bills. The apostle Paul told the Thessalonians, “If anyone is not willing to work, then he is not to eat, either” (2 Thess. 3:10). The same rule applies here: If a man is not willing to work, he doesn’t deserve to marry you.

7. The narcissist. I sincerely hope you can find a guy who is handsome. But be careful: If your boyfriend spends six hours a day at the gym and regularly posts closeups of his biceps on Facebook, you have a problem. Do not fall for a self-absorbed guy. He might be cute, but a man who is infatuated with his appearance and his own needs will never be able to love you sacrificially, like Christ loves the church (Eph. 5:25). The man who is always looking at himself in the mirror will never notice you.

8. The abuser. Men with abusive tendencies can’t control their anger when it boils over. If the guy you are dating has a tendency to fly off the handle, either at you or others, don’t be tempted to rationalize his behavior. He has a problem, and if you marry him you will have to navigate his minefield every day to avoid triggering another outburst. Angry men hurt women—verbally and sometimes physically. Find a man who is gentle.
9. The man-child. Call me old-fashioned, but I’m suspicious of a guy who still lives with his parents at age 35. If his mother is still doing his cooking, cleaning and ironing at that age, you can be sure he’s stuck in an emotional time warp. You are asking for trouble if you think you can be a wife to a guy who hasn’t grown up. Back away and, as a friend, encourage him to find a mentor who can help him mature.
10. The control freak. Some Christian guys today believe marriage is about male superiority. They may quote Scripture and sound super-spiritual, but behind the façade of husbandly authority is deep insecurity and pride that can morph into spiritual abuse. First Peter 3:7 commands husbands to treat their wives as equals. If the man you are dating talks down to you, makes demeaning comments about women or seems to squelch your spiritual gifts, back away now. He is on a power trip. Women who marry religious control freaks often end up in a nightmare of depression.

If you are a woman of God, don’t sell your spiritual birthright by marrying a guy who doesn’t deserve you. Your smartest decision in life is to wait for a man who is sold out to Jesus.

J. Lee Grady is the former editor of Charisma and the director of the Mordecai Project (themordecaiproject.org). You can follow him on Twitter at @leegrady. He is the author of 10 Lies Men Believe and other books.

MY TOP 5 PET PEEVES (Part 1)

1.       Learning to flush the toilet after use

It is becoming a nightmare for me (and, I believe, many others) each time I visit public toilets. I just do not understand why others want some of us to see the filth that comes from their dirty human systems. Why would anyone in his or her right senses fail, forget, or simply decide to not flush the toilet after using it? Besides the stinking smell, it’s tough to look at someone else’s fecal matter. It’s as simple as that. It’s not as if these systems do not work, these hoodlums just fail to work the system. You would think that people who are into this practice also do same at home, but I doubt that. So, where does this madness happen the most? Shopping malls! University campuses! Department stores! Etcetera, etcetera. I know I hate to see your feces, but the cleaners whose unfortunate job it is to clean the mess hate it the most. If each and every one of us will learn to clean up our mess, this world will be a better place. If you are reading this, please change your ways!

2.      Farting at prohibited places

Can someone impose a ban on farting at certain places (i.e. the elevator and the airplane)? Who would fart in an elevator? First of all, you know ventilation, if any, is very poor in an elevator; yet, you decide to blow apart this small public space, because you probably know or think you will go unnoticed or simply that you do not know you are stupid for doing that. It’s a simple rule of life. You just don’t fart in an elevator. In fact, besides the fact that it makes breathing difficult, no one (I mean, NO ONE) wants to smell your waste! Simple! Now here is my personal experience with flatulence and airplanes. Just this past Friday, I was returning to Houston from New Orleans after a conference. Someone—I couldn’t tell who—passed the smelliest gas in that small space. What was most annoying was that every single person had covered his or her nose with the closest thing on sight. Of course, I knew I wasn’t the one, but I wondered what the one sitting next to me was thinking, judging by the look on her face. How can anyone fart on an airplane? Madness!

3.      What is the real purpose of Facebook?

I think some people have no place and no business on Facebook. I have always thought that social networking sites such as Facebook are supposed to help us reconnect with family and friends or to even make new friends. So, why do some people use these platforms to settle scores with people or cast needless aspersions at people? Perhaps, I am missing something, but I thought the best way to address an issue—between or among friends—is to arrange a face-to-face meeting or pick up the phone and discuss that issue. I find it strange that people, I mean adults, will spew invectives via their status updates just to get back at people they claim have hurt them. In any case, why would someone you claim to loathe so much still be on your friends’ list? Why don’t you simply unfriend person and spare us the childish behavior you route through your status updates? Speaking about updates, can some of you spare us the senseless details of your overly personal stories? If you have personal problems, Facebook is not the place to share it. Sorry!

4.      Senseless, boring chat starters

Some people can be simply annoying when it comes to starting chats on these social networking platforms. My biggest pet peeve is when someone starts a chat with “How is the going?” “How is the U.S.?” “Please, what is your name?” In fact, the “what is your name?” bit drives me crazy. In many cases, these are people you do not even have the slightest of connections. You mean you do not know my name? How then did you find me to start a chat? What are you doing on my page? I think we need to make life very easy for people. If you have nothing to say or chat about, just don’t start one!

5.      Churches and premarital pregnancy discipline

I have been looking for an opportunity to say this, and I am glad I get to say it. When someone who is not married and who belongs to a church gets pregnant, churches have every right to punish that person, per the regulations of the church. It’s entirely up to churches to decide to set good examples for others to follow. It’s also perfectly right for churches to protect their image. I also do not have a problem if churches decide to excommunicate errant members. However, I detest the practice where churches invite such members in front of the church to embarrass them in front of everyone. What purpose is that supposed to serve? I think such a practice is anachronistic, purposeless, and needless.

 

Nurse reveals the top 5 regrets people make on their deathbed

Source: nurse-reveals-the-top-5-regrets-people-make-on-their-deathbed

For many years I worked in palliative care. My patients were those who had gone home to die. Some incredibly special times were shared. I was with them for the last three to twelve weeks of their lives. People grow a lot when they are faced with their own mortality.

I learnt never to underestimate someone’s capacity for growth. Some changes were phenomenal. Each experienced a variety of emotions, as expected, denial, fear, anger, remorse, more denial and eventually acceptance. Every single patient found their peace before they departed though, every one of them.

When questioned about any regrets they had or anything they would do differently, common themes surfaced again and again. Here are the most common five:

1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
This was the most common regret of all. When people realize that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honoured even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made.

It is very important to try and honour at least some of your dreams along the way. From the moment that you lose your health, it is too late. Health brings a freedom very few realise, until they no longer have it.

2. I wish I didn’t work so hard.
This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children’s youth and their partner’s companionship. Women also spoke of this regret. But as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence.

By simplifying your lifestyle and making conscious choices along the way, it is possible to not need the income that you think you do. And by creating more space in your life, you become happier and more open to new opportunities, ones more suited to your new lifestyle.

3. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.
Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result.

We cannot control the reactions of others. However, although people may initially react when you change the way you are by speaking honestly, in the end it raises the relationship to a whole new and healthier level. Either that or it releases the unhealthy relationship from your life. Either way, you win.

4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
Often they would not truly realise the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying.

It is common for anyone in a busy lifestyle to let friendships slip. But when you are faced with your approaching death, the physical details of life fall away. People do want to get their financial affairs in order if possible. But it is not money or status that holds the true importance for them. They want to get things in order more for the benefit of those they love. Usually though, they are too ill and weary to ever manage this task. It is all comes down to love and relationships in the end. That is all that remains in the final weeks, love and relationships.

5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.
This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realise until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called ‘comfort’ of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content. When deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again. When you are on your deathbed, what others think of you is a long way from your mind. How wonderful to be able to let go and smile again, long before you are dying.

Life is a choice. It is YOUR life. Choose consciously, choose wisely, choose honestly. Choose happiness.

This article is adapted from the Arise India Forum: nurse-reveals-the-top-5-regrets-people-make-on-their-deathbed

Leave Richard Kingston Alone!

Coach Kwesi Appiah has come under a lot of attack for inviting Richard Kingston for the all-important game against Egypt. A key thematic strand that runs through these criticisms is simply that Kingston is too old. The official age put out by the player, and recorded by CAF, indicates that Kingston is 35 years old. Obviously, in association football this is not too old for a goalkeeper.

Examples abound of goalkeepers who played or are playing past this 35-year threshold. We can point to Edwin van der Sar and Jens Lehmann, who played at the highest level with very good teams (Manchester United and Arsenal FC, respectively) well into their late 30s. In fact, Mark Schwarzer, the 41-year-old Australian, continues to play as the first-choice keeper at Fulham, where he has started every Premier League match this season. More so, Peter Shilton, the former English goalkeeper was 40 years during the 1990 World Cup. Although not many, some outfield players have also surpassed this threshold.

Of course, I can hear my critics arguing that all these goalkeepers I have mentioned played with their real ages. Still, what is our business in questioning—or abusing—Kingston ALONE for lying about his age? If a 500-year-old Richard is deemed to be fit by managers of Doxa Katokopias FC, in Cyprus, to play competitive football, what makes us think that he is too old to do same for the Black Stars? More so, why are we holding Richard Kingston to a different standard relative to the other players of the Black Stars? How many of the current Black Stars players, aside those born abroad, can honestly say that they are playing with their real ages? Michael Essien? Asamoah Gyan?

Our players have always falsified their ages. This is not new. In fact, our players have been emboldened to lie about their ages, because we (Ghana), like many African countries, have a systemic problem with maladministration and official corruption. First of all, our farcical birth registration system, which is abused at will, allows anyone—just anyone—to change his/her records at any time. To be sure, until our passport production process went biometric, it was not uncommon for people to have as many as five passports. Second, age-cheating has progressively received official backing from the upper echelons of our football administration. Officials beg players to lie!

For a long time, our teams at the junior levels, particularly the under-17 teams, consistently outperformed their counterparts at the world championships (e.g. 1991 and 1995). Rather surprisingly, the trend stalled after the Ben Koufie-led administration decided to, for once, feature players who were close to their real ages. Essentially, this problem didn’t start today, and it will not end tomorrow. Unless we make a conscious attempt to address this systemic problem, this needless argument will rage on.

Needless to say, this unnecessary taunting of Kingston is shameful and depressing to him. I will even go as far as saying that it is ageist. The fact that it had to take the Confederation of African Football to quell this debate makes it all the more senseless. If Kingston is healthy and competitive, Kwesi Appiah has every right to invite him. If other players who are faithfully warming the bench at their respective clubs have received a call-up, Kingston, who is playing week in week out, definitely deserves consideration. More so, if other age-cheats have been called up, Kingston needs to grab his opportunity, too.

This embarrassment of a player, who has served the nation so well, should stop!

Dr. Godwin Y Agboka

Email: presidoo@gmail.com

The NPP Needs to Focus on 2016!

 

It is normal for the New Patriotic Party (NPP) to appear confused about what to do next after its recent losses at the polls and in court. It’s tough enough to lose an election that close, but it’s even tougher to lose a case as momentous as the recent one at the Supreme Court. That verdict could have gone either way—in my opinion.  But, I think the NPP should move on and rebuild for 2016. It’s as simple as that.

There are indications, albeit puny, that the NPP might go for a review of the Supreme Court’s decision on the election petition, but that might have negative implications on the party’s plans to rebuild—unless, of course, they win. While testing the country’s laws may bode well for our legal system, and for our democracy, this review process has the potential to take the attention off the other important reasons which led to the NPP’s defeat in 2012. The longer the party focuses on the election petition, the longer it takes the party to examine the primary reasons it lost the elections. To paraphrase what Dr. Arthur Kennedy said in one of his articles, if a political party, which contests an election, depends on the annulment of over 4 million votes for a shot at the presidency, then that party lost the election, some way, somehow.

I have always argued that there were some significant problems with the 2012 elections—by way of malpractices and violations. Unfortunately, it’s this same flawed electoral system that benefited the NPP in 2000 and 2004. In essence, the problem with our electoral system did not start from 2012, but has been fundamental to many of the previous elections. Our electoral system, however well other African countries speak of it, has not seen a major reform for so many years, which is why it appeared during the election petition that Dr. Afari-Gyan is the electoral law.  Dr. Afari-Gyan, himself, appeared confused about the electoral processes and some of the decisions he took, during the elections. But, should the status quo remain? No! What the NPP’s election petition did, if any, was to expose years of indiscriminate decision making, incontinence on the part of presiding officers, and recklessness on the part of polling agents, among others.

Generally, I understand the NPP’s decision to harp on the verdict by the Supreme Court. Part of it is practical and part, political.  Practically, many people who suffer defeat will find something to complain about, and this is part of the healing process. Politically, the NPP wants to use this misfortune to turn its electoral fortunes around by highlighting how unfair the judges have been to their cause. So, this talk about a “corrupt” decision or a “moral victory” is consistent with these strategies.

In my opinion, the NPP’s focus should be on three cardinal issues, going forward. The party must lead a reform of the electoral system, which its leaders have  so spoken ill of; it must refocus its microscope on why it lost the elections—not the election petition; and the party must rebuild for 2016, if it is still interested in coming back to power. Let me highlight a number of issues that might impact the NPP’s fortunes in 2016.

So far, the party’s continued negative reaction to the verdict of the Supreme Court has created the impression that, for the party, election 2012 is the most important, which should not be the case. For two consecutive elections, the NPP has lost an election by a close margin, and all—or the most important thing—the party thinks it should do is to go about perpetually blaming and criticizing the Supreme Court judges for their misfortunes? Why are leaders of the party going on tours claiming a moral victory from a Supreme Court verdict that is not the main reason that led to the party’s defeat?

The fact that the NPP, for two consecutive elections, has won only two (2) out of ten (10) regions is significantly worrying, and that, in itself, should provide enough material for its research team. The good news, though, is that there are signs that if the party can broaden its base to other regions of and groups in the country, it may be an important force in future elections. It is surprising that in the past two elections the party has been able to garner more than 47% of votes from only two regions, and yet the party doesn’t appear to be in any hurry to reach out to the other regions. Yet the leaders find it more appealing to go back to the Supreme Court for a review of a decision, which is not the cause of its defeat in 2012.

For me, these are important questions that the leadership of the party must engage. The party has huge potentials in the Brong Ahafo, Northern, Western, and Central regions, yet poor decision making and internal tribal politics have stalled any potential progress on these issues and in these sites. The party will be well served if it genuinely opened its doors to other minority, ethnic, and unenfranchised groups, and also if it rolled out specific programs and policies that will attract these groups. This will obviously mean sponsoring and supporting these groups to take up leadership positions as well.

Talking about the 2012 elections, it was obvious during the election petition itself that the NPP did not understand the nitty-gritty of elections in Ghana. It was obvious that its star witness did not even understand the electoral process and the role of some officers who are central to our elections. Was it not surprising, however, that Mr. Asiedu Nketiah (a “village palm-wine tapper” as he calls himself) was able to display such skillful knowledge of our electoral processes? Shouldn’t the performance of the NPP’s polling agents also be a source of concern to the party?

The NPP will have more to gain from focusing on building party structures and examining the reasons behind its defeat than latching onto a Supreme Court decision. It will be significant for the party to not repeat the mistakes of the past two elections in terms of election of its leaders at the national and regional levels; preparation for elections and training of its electoral staff; and vigilance on election day. Also important, the NPP needs a better message for the 2016 campaign. Definitely a message that makes the case that the party won the 2012 elections, but was denied victory by the court is an unconvincing and unappealing one. Seriously!

Dr. Godwin Y. Agboka
Email: presidoo@gmail.com